Many people believe that folks from other countries come to the United States for medical procedures because of our superior technology, highly trained doctors, or state of the art research facilities. All untrue.
The reason people come to the U.S. for medical care is that the procedures sound nicer in English than in their native languages. For example, would you rather have a procedure called a Rumplereemer or a routine prostate check? See the difference? A Rumplereemer sounds invasive and horribly uncomfortable, a routine prostate check sounds clinical and safe. Here's another example: Pflatzenbooben or mammogram? With the former, images of bench-vices and pancakes come to mind, with the latter simply charts and grayscale photos.
To make it all less intimidating, I think all medical procedures should be translated into meaningless French phrases so that they will always sound much nicer than they are.
Dr. Jones - Why are you here today Mr. Reyes?
Me - I am here for Le fromage de merde
Dr. Jones - Ok, I'll send you down to the technician.
Me - Thanks Doc. I'll see you next time.
See how smoothly that went? No discomfort, no nervousness, just a simple phrase that rolls smoothly off of the tongue. If every country adopted this proposal the foreign demand on U.S. health care would decline to the point that we could not only provide quality health care for all Americans, but hospitals could begin to offer punch cards for regular visitors. 10 surgeries and the next one's free or a free sputum tray with each ER visit.
Now that's health care reform that would actually work!
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